Anika’s stresses at work pushed her past the point of caring

“I was lucky enough to be offered my ‘dream job’ soon after I qualified. I knew it would be a difficult role, but I was enthusiastic about doing a job that mattered to me.

As I expected, work was tough from the start. I had to help lots of people each day, which meant I had to stay in the office late into the evening, catching up on paperwork. I was so worried about making mistakes that I did everything as thoroughly as possible. What surprised me was how unhappy my team was: they weren’t very welcoming and always complained about their jobs. I tried to keep my distance so the negativity wouldn’t rub off on me.

A few months after I joined the service, my team leader resigned. I was asked to step into his role, which seemed like a great opportunity. Looking back, I can see it was a big mistake. Being a ‘lead’ was very different from the work I’d done before. I still needed to do my usual tasks, but I also had to manage everybody else in the team – I was completely new to that. My co-workers became hostile towards me because they didn’t want to be managed by someone so ‘new’, and every day I felt like I was under attack. What made it worse was how little support I was given. As a senior team member, I didn’t receive any kind of supervision or mentoring. I felt like a pilot flying through a fog, desperately trying to do a good job but with no idea of what direction to go in.

As time went on, work started to take over my life. My responsibilities increased, so I had to work harder and longer to keep up. I stopped taking breaks and spent my evenings preparing for the day. I also started drinking after work, which probably made my already poor sleep even worse. When the weekend arrived, all I wanted to do was rest and cut myself off from everything else.

Slowly, my stress turned to exhaustion. I felt like I couldn’t keep up anymore, as if the job had defeated me. It’s hard to explain how tired and empty I felt. My attitude towards work also changed. I used to feel passionate about helping people, but by this point, I was past the point of caring. Nothing I did seemed to matter. The problems with my team got worse as well. I avoided interacting with them as much as possible, and whenever I did, I behaved dismissively. I didn’t like the person I’d become.

When I spoke to my GP about my recurrent stomach aches, the idea of ‘burnout’ came up. I thought I might be depressed or just not suited to the job, but my doctor explained that it was a common problem in professions like mine. I hope I can find my enthusiasm for work again.”